The two 'I' factor

Yesterday when i was doing my so called project work suddenly my eyes got stuck on the word I on the screen.Earlier also my have been stuck in the same way to other words also(coz of my poor vocab power), but for the first time in life i got confused over a word i am dealing with for more than 17 yrs.I searched it in the website yourdictionary.com
i got 14 entries for this



                                       
but still i was looking for smthing more.I kept thinking for long & then come up with what 'I' means to me.
For a looser like me 'I' has always been either missing or misplaced in life.In the challenging days of my life when i was preparing for Engineering entrance examinations,I always hankered for two I +one T (IIT) in my life.I tried my good (but not best...i accept this truth..shamelessly) but at last i had to manage with One I +One T,it's another thing that i got an xtra N,which i never wished for.I have seen some of my freinds, having both I in their respective profiles, were given warm welcome everywhere.This was the point where i was (in fact m still ) two steps behind them.
This was not the difference of mere two steps but a pretty wide difference of attitude also.A number of times i found arrogance in their behavior.I can remind lots of incidents where persons with the TWO I factor overlooked the presence of others like me (with one I or none).In those moments i used to get envy of their status not to get superior position n have an attitude problem like them, but to be a part of the conversation going on & to understand the jargon used by them.
Any ways with not having any choice other than accepting my failure i started my life @ NIT JSR.But here again the word COMPROMISE hasn't let me get out of its grip. This time i had to compromise with my branch. Although this time some ingenuine entries (entries from back door) had put me on a way which was hardly leading me to a position to feel like a real techie. My branch name was Metallurgy & Material Science (the name itself carrying a word science to make u feel like doing BSc.).Again i had to accept it & I did...In the 2nd sem of the four year journey i got some hope when i heard of branch change option on the basis of CGPA. Once again i started dreaming to fly with new technical wings.But like a crash course this evanescent joy also finished before i could start realizing it.Once again i was ditched by luck.At the very end of this sem when everything was going okay, i got trapped in the hands of Jaundice.This was really shocking for me as i hadn't got any serious decease till then.Well with the blessings of my parents & all the relatives, i am still alive writing this post, but couldn't manage to attend my xams.As a reward for requesting alternative for the exams, i got supplementary option by the superpowers of college.At this stage of time when u know that your performance is going to be evaluated by decreasing it by one complete point, its very awkward to have any hope of branch change n fill ur choices in the form. So i didn't fill the form for branch change.The most tragic moment was when i got results n found my marks good enough to lead me to Electrical branch.
It is the first time i am admitting my mistake to underestimate my capacity.I usually say to people that i always loved meta n never wanted to get rid of it.
Pradeep (one of my good freinds) often said to me this is the branch which has given me so much of exposure,the popularity among juniors & teachers, also among the students of other colleges. But my point is at what cost? At the cost of my peace of mind, a number of sleepless nights, countless of days working without having lunch , my dooming career ( i don't know how i will survive in an industry where i don't have any right to be), attending almost all the classes, stigma of a flop organiser ( which i strongly disagree) or at the cost of all the cheating done by my branchis ( whom i always cared for).sometimes when i look back on those days i find myself nothing more than an stupid with a black Technica BAG hanging on my shoulders running for stupid things. I may not be right all the time, n may be this time again by i am feeling like being cheated by myself.I should have done something for my future in the past four years, which i think has been wasted without a thought.
But now i think its stupid to get stuck to ur past specially when it is very painful, so i am a fresh new Sambhaw, who has learnt from his past, but has nothing to do with his older form.Once again i am back with immense energy, again i have got a mission in my life, once again i am going to have a fight for the two I (this time I+I+M).Till now everything is supporting me, my company is providing me the best i can have, perfect shift,perfect package,perfect perks,perfect workload,perfect flexibility, in a nut shell a perfect I.If you believe in what Om prakash makheeja(shahrukh khan in Om shanti om) says... kisi cheej ko dil se chah0 to poori kaaynaat tumhe usse milane mein lag jati hai... i am on the coming soon board of IIM...